You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
