so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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