We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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