Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
