1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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