Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
