I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
