She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
