you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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