Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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