i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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