i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
