You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
