I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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