she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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