cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
