I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
