he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
