We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
