At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
