i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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