it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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