come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
