I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
