So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize