We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
