why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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