I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
