if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
