dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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