hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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