Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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