Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
