he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
