season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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