i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
