i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My vagina is officially offended.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh god it's open bar.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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