My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
home. puking in laundry basket.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
