Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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