I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
