I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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