This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
