hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
