so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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