wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
