I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
