if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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