Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
