I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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