Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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