ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
