just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
