I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
