I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
