We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
