i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
