My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
